What's an ENFJ? Me, for one. It’s one of the 16 types of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. ENFJ stands for Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging. It’s known as the Teacher type, and it’s no surprise that the first really influential ENFJ in my life was my high school U.S. History teacher, Mrs. Claiborne. One reason we clicked so easily back in 1979 was that we were fundamentally so similar.
The core of the ENFJ type is the NF part – intuitive feeling. Intuitive in the Myers-Briggs sense refers to observing life by looking at the big picture rather than details, favoring ideas over concrete reality, and enjoying newness for the sake of newness. Feeling in the Myers-Briggs sense means making decisions based on strongly held personal values or on the effects on other people rather than through logic and strict objectivity.
When you mix Myers-Briggs type factors you also get something else, just as when you mix blue and yellow you get green. One characteristic of NFs is that we are, for the most part, endlessly searching – searching for meaning, searching for purpose, searching for passion, searching for the reasons we are always searching. This is true of all NF types – ENFJs, ENFPs, INFJs and INFPs.
Searchers ask lots of questions: What do I really want to do with my career? What do I even like doing? What if what I should be doing with my career is something I haven’t even thought of? I like New York but should I really be living somewhere else? Like Istanbul? Or China? Am I meant to have children? Or do I just think I want to have children? Or maybe having children is not something for me to decide, but something that the Universe will just present me . . . Except that I don’t really believe in the Universe as an entity. Except when I do. . .
You may think that I am making up these questions for comic effect but I can assure you they are all questions that I have asked myself. Recently. I have an ongoing internal dialogue with myself, sort of like the news ticker that runs at the bottom of CNN broadcasts.
Nearly all of my NF clients are very interested in the question of what they should be doing with their lives, and somewhat fearful that they might not make the right choice. They are interested in the coaching process yet can’t help questioning whether any process can ever work. They are good at whipping up enthusiasm and also at sowing doubts. They want to be special but wonder whether specialness is possible. I am never surprised by these dualities because they reflect how I think, too.
Here’s the conundrum for intuitive feelers. For most of us, no answer is ever going to be the answer. So if we aren’t careful, we can end up spending decades feeling in some way dissatisfied with the lives that we’ve got.
It doesn’t have to be this way. It’s possible to be a satisfied searcher. Not by finally getting to the answer, but by having awareness about what our own operating systems are like and consciously managing them.
For me, the trick is to remember that my propensity for searching, wondering and questioning isn’t my whole self. It’s an aspect of myself. I can use my searching tendencies, and I can get beyond them. So I can wonder about ten different career possibilities, and then actually choose one (for the time-being). I can ponder the roads not taken in the past, and then accept the roads I have taken. And when I get to the downward spiraling place of wondering how I ended up this life rather than another, I can remind myself, “This kind of self-reflection comes naturally to me. But I don’t have to indulge it 24/7.”
We can use our powers for good. Just because we’re never done searching doesn’t mean we can’t be satisfied with the way life is.
The core of the ENFJ type is the NF part – intuitive feeling. Intuitive in the Myers-Briggs sense refers to observing life by looking at the big picture rather than details, favoring ideas over concrete reality, and enjoying newness for the sake of newness. Feeling in the Myers-Briggs sense means making decisions based on strongly held personal values or on the effects on other people rather than through logic and strict objectivity.
When you mix Myers-Briggs type factors you also get something else, just as when you mix blue and yellow you get green. One characteristic of NFs is that we are, for the most part, endlessly searching – searching for meaning, searching for purpose, searching for passion, searching for the reasons we are always searching. This is true of all NF types – ENFJs, ENFPs, INFJs and INFPs.
Searchers ask lots of questions: What do I really want to do with my career? What do I even like doing? What if what I should be doing with my career is something I haven’t even thought of? I like New York but should I really be living somewhere else? Like Istanbul? Or China? Am I meant to have children? Or do I just think I want to have children? Or maybe having children is not something for me to decide, but something that the Universe will just present me . . . Except that I don’t really believe in the Universe as an entity. Except when I do. . .
You may think that I am making up these questions for comic effect but I can assure you they are all questions that I have asked myself. Recently. I have an ongoing internal dialogue with myself, sort of like the news ticker that runs at the bottom of CNN broadcasts.
Nearly all of my NF clients are very interested in the question of what they should be doing with their lives, and somewhat fearful that they might not make the right choice. They are interested in the coaching process yet can’t help questioning whether any process can ever work. They are good at whipping up enthusiasm and also at sowing doubts. They want to be special but wonder whether specialness is possible. I am never surprised by these dualities because they reflect how I think, too.
Here’s the conundrum for intuitive feelers. For most of us, no answer is ever going to be the answer. So if we aren’t careful, we can end up spending decades feeling in some way dissatisfied with the lives that we’ve got.
It doesn’t have to be this way. It’s possible to be a satisfied searcher. Not by finally getting to the answer, but by having awareness about what our own operating systems are like and consciously managing them.
For me, the trick is to remember that my propensity for searching, wondering and questioning isn’t my whole self. It’s an aspect of myself. I can use my searching tendencies, and I can get beyond them. So I can wonder about ten different career possibilities, and then actually choose one (for the time-being). I can ponder the roads not taken in the past, and then accept the roads I have taken. And when I get to the downward spiraling place of wondering how I ended up this life rather than another, I can remind myself, “This kind of self-reflection comes naturally to me. But I don’t have to indulge it 24/7.”
We can use our powers for good. Just because we’re never done searching doesn’t mean we can’t be satisfied with the way life is.
Michael,
I enjoyed your article immensely. I am an INFJ and when you went down the list of questions I leaned back in my chair and just laughed. Not at you, but with you because within in the past week or two I've gone over those same questions. I have to do it once a month and then tell myself, like you mentioned, that the evaluation process is necessary but it doesn't mean i have to jump into something new because I'm not feeling fulfilled at the moment. Actually my job has become the vehicle to reach fulfilling a few of my numerous goals (like my blog for instance). Thanks for your honesty man. With such a small percentage of NFs out there, or at least INFs, it's nice to come in contact with someone that understands.
Posted by: Reid Klos | December 14, 2009 at 02:12 PM
I am an INFJ, too. (Are we the only ones willing to share a comment?) I am also full of searching questions. I was even more full of searching questions before I figured out that writing could be part of making a living. Because writing takes so much searching, it tones down the natural urge to search other parts of one's life.
Posted by: Mary Warner | January 04, 2010 at 07:47 AM
Maybe all the ENFJ's like me are blaring out our searching questions to the world at large rather than patiently writing.
For me, writing has also been a great way to explore and work out these searching questions. Even when I don't really want to write, I always feel very calm after I do.
I've also noticed that if I create fictional characters (often based on myself), I can explore all the feelings related to these things without being overly attached to them.
Posted by: Michael Melcher | January 07, 2010 at 02:28 PM
@Michael: I'll have to take the fictional character exploration on a ride and see how it works for me.
@Mary: High five! thanks for sharing your voice.
Posted by: Reid Klos | February 24, 2010 at 10:47 AM
Thank you so much for your post! I thoroughly enjoyed it. I just discovered my ENFJ personality type and why you wrote describes me to the T! I've been pondering studying law but always go back to business because I think that it's what would be more practical and maybe what I should do. Your post helped me realize I shouldn't indulge in all my second guessing and that I need to trust what is innately me! I want to be a lawyer and this post has helpe me solidify that thought. Thank you.
Posted by: Hannah | November 24, 2011 at 11:01 PM
@Hannah. Congrats! Some unsolicited but perhaps useful advice: (1) use your social skills and emotional intelligence to create good study groups in law school; (2) take part in extracurriculars that allow you to express yourself and be with people (in my case it was the law school musical); (3) make it your mission to develop personal relationships with most or all of your professors -- and feel free to invite more introverted students to part of your knowing-the-professors club; (4) when studying, practice putting on your "Mr. Spock" hat -- he's the ultimate T and law is all about the T -- F's can do T thinking, but it sometimes takes an awareness that it might be slightly different from our most natural ways of approaching things; (5) make it your hobby to create a personal mental database of all the most fascinating sounding and meaningful legal careers ... in other words, let yourself explore and learn about intriguing options (immigration lawyer, managing partner in firm, civil rights lawyer, law professor, big money lawyer) without feeling you have to commit to them right away. This will allow you to tap into your "enthusiasm" side without becoming overcommitted by your "purpose" side; (6) think about your "brand," which is how you might do a particular type of legal career. So one brand might be the "efficient" civil rights lawyer; another might be the "fun" government lawyer; another might be the "civic minded" corporate lawyer. This can free you from needing one particular line of work to be everything for you -- you allow yourself some ability to shape things; (7) aggressively manage your spending and debt -- the less you owe, the more freedom you will have. Don't mortgage your future to a daily latte habit!
Posted by: Michael Melcher | November 25, 2011 at 07:37 AM